ok...ok... ok..so i realize that my last post was written in anger and was a little over the top, and well, quite frankly, just too much. yes, i'm still hurt, and yes, i'm still working throgh it. it doesn't just take one day. i still miss him, and the way things were and the little things he used to say, and our little inside jokes, and how we could just play and joke aound and how we would just take long walks to nowhere and just talk. i miss the way i could cuddle up to him and the way he told me he loved me...anyway, the only thing i can do is move on right? even though it still hurts me. all i can do is let go and move on. he wasn't worth my time anyway. he's not worth me. just not worth it. but off the subject a guy named Tim asked me out this weekend, and i usally say yes to a date if i'm not in a relationship with someone, and the guy doesn't seem like a total weirdo or creep, b/c i always figure, what can one date hurt? it turned out to be a lot of fun, though. can't hang out during the week b/c i'm day shift and he's swing shift, but he says he wants to eat lunch with me during my break today so we'll probably do tat. he seems to like me, but i'm not stupid. i don't expect anything to happen. don't get me wrong i'm still really angry and upset about the whole Sean thing. it still hurts a lot. i'm still somewhat mad. but, at the same time, life goes on.
he broke up with me So yeah, he broke up with me by basically saying "get the fuck away from me, i'm done with you" and then telling me that he found someone else! The fucking bastard cheated on me and has another girlfriend! I can't believe he'd betray me in such a way. and let's not mention the fact that he broke up with me WHILE knowing that im sick (i have strept throat). i can't believe he would actually break up with me using such painful words. he could have at least been nicer about it. really. get the fuck away from me? i'm done with you? is it even possible to break up with someone in a worse way? please let me know. all this time, i really did think he loved me. and i'm highly upset. him and his new little stupid whorish slutty new girlfriend need to suffer and die! i can't believe he would hurt my feelings THIS much. and then he sends me a text message a few hours later saying "how are things?" i mean...WTF??? what was his whole purpose behind that? did he really just want to know how miserable i am? and you know people say that he didn't deserve me, or he's not worth my time or energy, and that i deserve better. but if i deserve better, than how come i never fucking find him???? where the hell is he? I'm sick as a dog, heartbroken as hell, and i need to vent!
my boyfriend... ...I just don't know what to do with him. We've broken up-- twice-- but got back together both times. when we fight we FIGHT. he's such an asshole sometimes and he'll even admit to being an asshole, but he won't do anything to improve it. ugh..i just don't know what to do. i wish i had someone to talk about it with. i tried to break it off, but i couldn't. i just can't do it, i love him so very much, but at the same time i know i deserve better. i just..i'm just so confused, and i wish i knew what to do.
my ER visit this weekend... So Sean had to take me to the ER this weekend. i have a really, really bad toothache. and it turned into a sinustrack infection, which of course caused me to have a fever as well, and the swelling in my face...let's not even go there. my face is still swelling up like a ballon, and it's really painful. i haven't eaten in over two days, and i'm not even hungry. I've been on anti-bacteria medicine, motrin, and on vicodin, so half the weekend i have been out of it. i'm ok, but i have to wait til Friday til they do something permanent to help me...i think i'm gonna die by then. they better give me more vicodin if that's the case! But...i am ok, besides the swelling. which hurts majorly. and oh lord Sean...he had to hold me through the pain and then even. take me to the ER. I still haven't eaten in over 2 days...and i have no appetite.
so i haven't written.... and i know i haven't been writting in a while. Sean has kept me busy. lol. i love him, he's really great. everything is going good. it happened so fast, i never knew what hit me. it's really weird. the only thing i can see that we should work on is that we both tend to get a little jealous..ok, maybe it's an understatement. but no couple is perfect. we're doing great, and i enjoy his company. i swore to myself up and down i would not start a relationship with the first guy i met at Eglin...and look what happens. I'm always telling myself i will never do something, and then i end up doing it. i don't know what's wrong with me. but right now...i don't care. because we're in love, and everything is ok. besides that...eglin is absolutley beautiful, i'm learning my way around, and i love living by the beach.
i haven't forgotten you! oh livejournal, don't think ive forgotten you. nope. i just had to concentrate on leaving sheppard, driving to florida, and getting settled down here. it's beautiful here. and the beach is amazing. i went around midnight, and i had it all to myself. it was wonderful. so peaceful. i still haven't met anyone here, expect for my suite mate, which is really sad. it's a lot harder to meet people here than tech school..but im sure i will in due time. it's kinda lonley though right now. well i've met my supervisor, and my Chief, but they're my chain of command i can't hang out with them (obviously). let's see, i have my own room with my own walk in closet. my suite mate has her own room too, but between our rooms is a bathroom and a kitchen, which we both share. it's pretty nice. my freedom..wow i haven't had this much freedom in a year, i don't know what to do with myself. lol. i weent to the track last night..they had a bungee-cord type thing, and i did it. it was pretty fun. I can't wait to meet people and make friends (hopefully). i'm ready to start all over again, and forget about my mistakes in Tech school.
wanna know a secret? i (seriously) don't even know who i am anymore. i'm not that good person anymore. i don't know what happened to her, but she's not here.
shit! I made a horrible mistake yesterday... but i dont regret it. i don't know how to feel about it. i know i shouldn't have done it, but at the same time, i feel so neutral about it, and i don't even understand why. i should feel something, but i don't.
back! wow..i can't believe i haven't written in here since Jay broke up with me...that was so long ago. I was depressed for a really long time..but i got over it, i started my life again. Turns out, i'm doing fine. I joined the Air Force, and now i'm in Tech School, studying to be a medic. I hope i can do it, it's a really tough course. When i get through it though, it will be worth the hard work, and I'm in the best branch of the best military in the world, what could be better? I'm ready to see new places and meet new people. I'm ready for this next new chapter in my life. :-).
he broke up with me the bastard broke up with me. On Sundy, when i last saw him JUST A WEEK AGO, he took me into kay's jewerlers to see what my ring size was and to see what kind of rings i liked...and less than a week later he dumps me. asshole. he's hurt me so bad, i actually felt my heart breaking into peieces.
we need more cops like this Body: TO THOSE OF YOU NOT FAMILIAR WITH JOE ARPAIO, HE IS THE MARICOPA COUNTY SHERIFF( ARIZONA ) AND HE KEEPS GETTING ELECTED OVER AND OVER AGAIN.
These are some of the reasons why:
Sheriff Joe Arpaio created the "tent city jail" to save Arizona from spending tens of million of dollars on another expensive prison complex.
He has jail meals down to 40 cents a serving and charges the inmates for them.
He banned smoking and porno magazines in the jails, and took away their weightlifting equipment and cut off all but "G" movies. He says: "they're in jail to pay a debt to society not to build muscles so they can assault innocent people when they leave."
He started chain gangs to use the inmates to do free work on county and city projects and save taxpayer's money.
Then he started chain gangs for women so he wouldn't get sued for discrimination.
He took away cable TV until he found out there was a federal court order that required cable TV for jails. So he hooked up the cable TV again but only allows the Disney channel and the weather channel.
When asked why the weather channel he replied: "so these morons will know how hot it's gonna be while they are working on my chain gangs."
He cut off coffee because it has zero nutritional value and is therefore a waste of taxpayer money. When the inmates complained, he told them, "This isn't the Ritz/Carlton. If you don't like it, don't come back."
He also bought the Newt Gingrich lecture series on US history that he pipes into the jails. When asked by a reporter if he had any lecture series by a Democrat, he replied that a democratic lecture series that actually tells the truth for a change would be welcome and that it might even explain why 95% of the inmates were in his jails in the first place.
With temperatures being even hotter than usual in Phoenix (116 degrees just set a new record for June 2nd), the Associated Press reports: About 2,000 inmates living in a barbed- wire-surrounded tent encampment at the Maricopa County Jail have been given permission to strip down to their government-issued pink boxer shorts.
On Wednesday, hundreds of men wearing pink boxer shorts were chatting in the tents, where temperatures reached 128 degrees. "This is hell. It feels like we live in a furnace," said Ernesto Gonzales, an inmate for 2 years with 10 more to go. "It's inhumane."
Joe Arpaio, who makes his prisoners wear pink, and eat bologna sandwiches, is not one bit sympathetic. "Criminals should be punished for their crimes - not live in luxury until it's time for parole, only to go out and commit more crimes so they can come back in to live on taxpayers money and enjoy things many taxpayers can't afford to have for themselves."
Wednesday he told all the inmates who were complaining of the heat in the tents: "It's between 120 to 130 degrees in Iraq and our soldiers are living in tents too, and they have to walk all day in the sun, wearing full battle gear and get shot at, and they have not committed any crimes, so shut your damned mouths!"
If you agree, pass this on. If not, just delete it.
Sheriff Joe was just re-elected Sheriff in Maricopa County, Arizona
randomness this is a randomness post, well, inspired by randomness of course! what else? Let's see, i moved nearly 300 miles away to this new place...it's ok, i don't know anyone, and i get a little lonley, espically when Jay is gone. I work at sonic and that really sucks!! It doesn't pay hardly anything, and I'm trying to find a better job, but it's not going so well right now, but maybe it will get better. I really need something that's a lot more money and more hours than what i'm getting. I only have 4 days this week, and that's not acceptable! Well...good god i'm trying. Living in a military town is...intresting, i think.
things things are weird sometimes, aren't they? That's all i say. You think you've figured everything out, and then it all completley and totally changes. You think things are a certain way, but perception is a horrible thing sometimes.
a bit of news so, Jay recieved a bit of news that put his life into a bit of surreal. We can't talk about it right now, because we're not entirley for sure, but it puts a change on the plans that we had. Something we totally didn't expect at all. Jay was shocked by it, i guess it affects him most, not really me, though. But i can't talk about it yet until its offical or whatever. it just throws his life for a complete change
hard shit im so depressed because all i can ever think about is Jay getting deployed again, it breaks my heart. and for 15 months, and not 12 months. those fucking assholes, i say! they didnt even let soldiers know about it! soldiers should have been the FIRST to know about the whole 15 month deployment! it even affects soldiers already overseas. I was talking to this one girl whos boyfriend was supposed to come back in July, but he got delayed three more months of course, and he had to hear about it from HER! just like Jay had to hear about it from ME! theres just something WRONG with that!!!!!! I hate this whole thing! i had to hear that deployment would be three months longer from some media, Jay should have been the one to tell me, not some reporter. Jay should have known, hell, ALL soldiers should have known. Jay said not even the people over him knew about it! this is news that deeply affects soldiers and well, they should have known first, damnit, ESPICALLY the ones who are already overseas. My heart really goes out to all these families. I just wish they'd bring all the troops home, i wish i could consule all the hurting families out there, but I know that I cant. And, I'm trying to be strong myself. But some asshole insensitive people had to come and laugh in my face and be assholes about the deployment and it makes it even harder, but you know what? Forget what those fuckers think. I love my boyfriend, and we can make it. I will be strong, I will make it, and so will he. And so will all the other soldiers out there. I have faith in all of them. And I cant wait for the day that they're all able to come home and reunite with their families.
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